Thursday, February 16, 2006
Ok. I know. Time to face this. Ugh!!! I'm pressured by you ppl, and i mean you, Swen, Tuck, Wilson and Charlie, to blog. Hmm....usually i only blog like once a month. Now made to blog more frequently.
If you really want to know.Let's start with a recap. Hmm, this week was rather interesting. I faced so many different emotions just in a metter if days, overlapping like small waves in the wind. Anger, fear, happiness, sadness, anxiety, worry, desperation, jealousy, shock, amusement and the list goes on...(I'm not a good writer, so bear with me ppl.) I learnt so many new things. Life is great, really. So many things happen around the corner, you'll never know what happens next. Sometimes I wonder how come humans are so capable of changes in mood and feelings. We experience changes of feelings and thoughts everyday. In an day of an average person, we have more than a 1000 of thoughts, just thoughts, running through our head, yet we are not conscious of this. And women tend to have more thoughts than men.
feelings...
FEAR/AnXIEtY/DespERAtion/WorRY: Ok. Last friday was O level results release day, or what some ppl would call D-day. I was still in the mood to do work in the morning though, wanted to go to a cafe in orchard to mug while waiting till 1pm. But in the end, I decided to follow some scgs friends and go relax. Hehe, we went to mos burger in orchard to have lunch and gossip about ppl in our JCs. Haha:) Some SC-HC ppl joined us, it was really nice to see them, somehow there is a common topic to talk about and a sense of belonging. After that, we decided to gp back to SC early. We heard lots of rumours that SCGS did well...while some schools didn't do so well...eng paper had 90% students answering the question wrongly, SS paper had 70% failures...ect ect. Some schools had already leaked their results out earlier. But SC just kept it safe and quiet. It was sooooooooo nerve-wrecking. The wait...so near yet so far, so long and so painful. Teachers kept giving us mysterious smiles, happy and warm greetings met us everywhere. Mr jeow, my physics teacher, asked me " Xin Hui, how do you think you did for physics?" I replied, "I dunno." then he said, " I know, but I cannot say." Oh man, that means he knows my results and immediately I thought, 'shit, if it's bad, it means he knows and I dun want him to know!!!' It felt great to be back in SCGS, the ever clean toilets, friendly smiles, homely surroundings, the feeling was just there. Finally, it was time to gather in the Khoo Auditorium for results. We were sec 4s once more and all the familiar faces kept flooding the place. This time I felt confused, I missed NJ too. I felt uncertain. We sat in our classes once more, 4 sincerity, courage, generosity, SERVICE (yea! yea! my class), perserverence, grace, prudence & diligence. Then Miss Heng, our principal, came and results were released. SC had the best results in 10 years. At that point of time, I felt a sour feeling in my throat, hot tears were swelling up in my eyes. I felt so relieved, so touched and happy. I wanted to cry for joy, that the school did well. I felt so proud of our cohort. Really. I truly felt proud of SCGS, of us, of our values, for what the school is, the 10 years it had given me. It cannot be described. Priceless. I was just speechless. But i held back my tears. I was so proud when Grace was top in the level and Theodora was one of the top scorers. Though we competed like siao in the past, but now, it wasn't about who the winner is. It was about the school, about your friends and yourself, it was about your future.
When I finally received my results, I immediately saw a 'two' at english and i went 'oh shit, I m so dead' then i saw more twos then some ones and a b3. I couldn't take it anymore, so I got theodora to count my L1R5 for me. Finally she said, 'eight' and a feeling of relief overtook fear. Glancing around at the people around me, I saw numerous crying faces. Then when i saw hannah, I just cried and cried. I was so glad that I could stay in NJ. The next task was to thank the teachers. Ms lim came back from commonwealth sec sch to give us back our results, I was soooo glad. I hugged her and she said, 'xin hui you did well'. Then i went on to thank Mrs Neoh, Ms Leong, Mrs Lim, Mrs Yogee. Everytime i see a teacher and thank them, I cried. I dunno why. I just felt like releasing the fear and anxiety into my tears. When I saw Mr Jeow, I cried in front of him. Then he was looking at my results slip and said, ' so you got an A2 for physics, from c5 to a2, how do you feel ?' I could only shake my head and say ' I don't know' and cry some more. Then he asked, 'u're disappointed in your english rite' and i could only stare at him and then the ground.
After congratulating all my friends and saying goodbye, I called some of my friends from other schools. Those from Cat high didn't seemed very pleased cos their school didn't do so well. I was worried for some of them. I want them all to stay. But i know life is never going to give you all that you desire. So i have to accept and let go. But I know it'll be even harder for them.
It's Time to move on. Next.
{/2/16/2006 07:48:00 pm}
sweet sensation XD
